“Is he emotionally attached to another woman?” – you and I both know such suspicions about your husband don’t pop out of nowhere in a healthy marriage. You don’t wake up one morning and suddenly realize that you and your man are living light years apart under the same roof. I bet that the signs your husband has a crush on another woman have always been there, only too subtle to be treated as concrete evidence.
Certain changes in his behavior such as the lack of romantic energy and his defensive manner of arguing have led you to this realization. It’s not irrational to obsess over “Why does my husband want to be with another woman?” or “Do I not matter to him anymore?”. As per this survey that updates regularly, at the time of revising this article in March 2023, a total of 77% of married men have had an emotional affair and 71.8% have had a one-night stand. So, what is the right course of action now? As hard as it may sound, you need to start looking for and acknowledging the signs that your husband is interested in someone else, before it leads to infidelity.
How Do You Know If Your Husband Has A Crush On Another Woman?
Have you ever noticed how your husband checks out other women? Or has your husband been talking to another woman a lot lately? When your man gives another woman way too much attention, it is bound to fuel your apprehensions that he may be straying. You try to silence that gut feeling for the sake of keeping peace in your marriage, but you know that tiny voice in your head is hardly ever wrong.
Our reader Serena, a 38-year-old teacher from New Orleans, sends her story to us, “How do you process the fact that your husband likes your friend as ‘more than a friend’? I have seen that nightmare come true and lived with it for months. Initially, I was happy that they were bonding. But later on, Jean started comparing me with her. He would always look for reasons to visit her place and every time he would buy her flowers.
“Things didn’t stop there. Gradually, Jean started flirting with her in my presence. He would randomly bring up her name in our conversations. With every passing day, it became clearer that my husband seems to have lost interest in me and was crushing on another woman, my best friend, no less. My advice is, when your man looks at another woman every chance he gets, beware.”
Related Reading: The 8 Most Common Types Of Cheating In A Relationship
When you see the signs your husband has a crush on someone else, it can be hard to figure out the right approach to deal with the situation. But you need to remember that crushes are normal, and everyone has them. You might crush on someone else as well. We don’t turn off our ‘hot people’ radar when we get married. We’ll still continue to notice and appreciate attractive people. It’s all natural, as long as it doesn’t turn into infidelity. So to save you from this state of utter uncertainty, here are 15 signs your husband has a crush on another woman:
1. He has undergone a sudden change of behavior
We are referring to his enthusiasm for the relationship, and the efforts he used to put into making your romantic connection stronger. If his response to “How was your day?” has changed from an elaborate lowdown of the goings-on of his day to a monosyllabic “fine” or “usual,” he is probably withdrawing from you.
After five years of marriage, my neighbor Nancy realized, “I knew my husband is building an emotional connection with someone when he started acting differently, the complete opposite of his usual behavior – from looking at each other during passionate lovemaking sessions to no eye contact at all! He’d make an effort to explore positions where we didn’t need to be facing each other, all in the name of experimenting.
“A change in his demeanor was evident in every other aspect of our life too. We had a ritual of baking cookies on Sundays together. It stopped suddenly. Earlier because he was tired, then he had sudden plans with his friends whom I didn’t know. As I watched him lose interest in me so closely, I started to ponder whether this marriage is worth saving anymore.”
Related Reading: 9 Reasons Cheating Husbands Stay Married
2. He remains glued to his phone ALL THE TIME
Yes, our phones have become an integral part of our lives and most of us spend more time on them beyond the limit of healthy screen time. But there is a clear difference between general proclivity toward gadgets and using them to pursue a potential romantic interest. Here are a few things to watch out for:
- Is your husband spending most of his time browsing social media platforms when he told you he needs to work on a time-critical project?
- Has he practically made it an extended part of his body, carrying it everywhere, even to the shower?
- Does he refuse to hand it to you no matter how urgently you need it?
- He replies to his texts suspiciously, often with a smile on his face. Sounds relatable?
- Does he often walk out to a different room just to attend a call, interrupting your conversations?
They can’t all be mere coincidences, don’t you think? These secretive tendencies could be more than just a case that gadgets are hampering your relationship and might be tell-tale signs that your husband is interested in someone else.
3. He has a different glow around her
Being romantically affectionate to someone other than your spouse is a huge red flag in a monogamous marriage as it shakes the foundation of trust and honesty? Your husband praising another woman relentlessly while blushing can’t be easy to stand. Plus, it’s not hard to discern whether he feels attracted to this person or not from the way he stares at her when she talks and laughs.
He might brazenly flaunt his affection by giving her nicknames or you might find him mentioning her name in almost every other conversation. Her presence might make him nervous as he would be overly cautious to hide his feelings for her. It might even have reached a point where you’re looking for tips on what to do when your husband defends the other woman in the smallest of altercations.
“Gloria is looking for some plants for her garden, so I went to the nursery with her after work,” he may nonchalantly mention to you. But if he is the kind of guy who doesn’t know the first thing about the difference between succulents and flowering plants, this should definitely raise your hackles. Whatever the situation might be, he is always looking for ways to correspond with her. This series of events clearly points to all the signs your husband is not in love with you any longer.
4. He looks for ways to stay out
If he spends most of his time outside, it is one of the signs your husband has a crush on another woman. He might not be interested in doing things with you anymore and whenever you do make plans, he wriggles out of them on one pretext or the other. He now spends a major chunk of his free time hanging out with his friends whom you know nothing about.
Whenever he runs errands like getting groceries or filling gas in the car, it takes him a lot longer than usual to get back. He is always looking for opportunities to step outside the house because there is someone else he’d much rather spend his time with. There is a good chance your husband is having an affair or inching toward one.
5. He avoids all sorts of intimacy with you
Has the beautiful, intimate relationship between you and your husband taken a serious hit lately? If he is avoiding looking into your eyes, touching you, kissing you, holding hands, or any affectionate gesture altogether, then something is definitely cooking up. Being attracted to someone else can eclipse the love he feels for you and, in turn, it has affected the physical closeness you shared.
Remember that episode from Sex Education where Otis responds with “That’s nice” to Ruby’s “I love you, Otis”? Well, such passive attempts at avoiding intimacy are not just anecdotes from romantic fiction. You may spot them in your own marriage when your man gives another woman the affection that you deserve, fair and square. Consider this as one of the signs your husband is interested in another woman.
Related Reading: Will He Cheat Again – 11 Signs To Be Watchful
6. He is constantly displeased with everything that you do
If he has his eyes for another woman, even trivial matters and the smallest disagreements will invite lover’s spats in your marriage. He might remain impulsive or angry all the time, blaming you for the things taking a toll on him. He could go to the extent of labeling you as ‘paranoid,’ ‘jealous,’ or ‘oversensitive’ to shift the blame in the relationship. But by that time, you should know better not to fall prey to his manipulation game as you can deduce the root of his anger.
“The graph of his problems regarding anything that I did was steadily going up. He forgot how to show me a little bit of appreciation, let alone a sweet compliment no matter how much I tried to do something nice for him,” says Nancy, elaborating on the changes she noticed when she caught her husband praising another woman way too much.
7. He stalks her all the time
If you discover that he’s spending all his time online liking and commenting on her pictures, it is a bad sign. There’s a difference between the types of compliments that you give to someone. Compliments can be genuine as well as flirty.
He might try to defend himself by saying that he was just trying to be nice but you know when someone is trying to flirt. Especially when it’s your man. So, these excessive social media interactions could well be an indicator that he is getting obsessed with some other woman, or perhaps, even cheating online.
8. He becomes overly nice to you all of a sudden
If a person is doing something wrong, they may try to overcompensate for it by trying to do over-the-top ‘good’ things. It’s because deep inside they realize they are treating you wrong and can’t help feeling guilty. It’s just one of the ways people try to feel less horrible about being unfaithful to their partners. The same could happen if your husband is emotionally attached to another woman and is actively trying to pursue her.
For instance, if he’s been a lazy husband all along and suddenly starts pitching in with the chores without being asked to, it should raise your suspicions. Or if paying excessive attention to you is very unlike him, it definitely could be one of the signs your husband has a crush on another woman.
9. He becomes conscious of his physical appearance
The styling game of your husband moves up a notch if his heart has started falling for someone new. New perfumes, perfectly trimmed beard and hair, spending hours at the gym – he would go that extra mile to look dapper when he is trying to impress someone.
A sudden change in the wardrobe with a whole new collection of trendy men’s fashion accessories is also a giveaway. However, you should try discovering the real reason behind this before coming to any sort of conclusion. If this new fascination for looking his best is coupled with some of the above signs your husband is not in love with you anymore, it’d be a good idea to start planning your future course of action.
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10. He remains unclear and vague with you
He rarely speaks about what’s going on in his life now, his whereabouts, or the little things that excite or upset him. If this is the case, you should be watchful. A reluctance to discuss future plans with you and not seeking your opinion when making decisions, big or small, are all indicators that his vision for the life he wants for himself has changed.
As a result, the distance between you and him could increase remarkably. Both of you no longer turn to each other for opinions and advice, and the relationship feels one-sided. And that’s because he is gradually losing interest in you. This is one of the obvious signs your husband has a crush on another woman.
11. He stops taking initiative
When was the last time he did something romantic for you? Has he stopped making efforts of any kind that make you go all mushy? Has your marriage entered the phase of forgetting significant dates and missing out on special occasions?
If you are nodding yes, then he might be putting this energy somewhere else. It’s these little efforts that keep any relationship alive. But if he keeps getting colder or more and more indifferent to your marriage, you no longer have to make him realize he lost you. We are sorry to break this to you, but he has already closed the door on you.
12. His body language fails to hide his feelings
Say, your husband manages to remain tight-lipped about the secret double life he is leading. But we doubt he can restrain the tender emotions from coming to the surface in the presence of that special woman. And that is your chance to pick up on the signs of whether your husband likes your friend, his colleague, a neighbor, or worse, your sister.
You can actually feel the romantic (or sexual) tension the moment this mysterious lady walks in. His eyes will be on her throughout the evening. He will hardly miss a chance to talk to her. Your man might try a tad too much to make her laugh, and keep on passing compliments to her. His feelings could be interpreted right through his eyes.
Related Reading: 13 Common Things Husbands Do To Destroy Their Marriage
13. He stops being jealous for you
Remember there was a time when he would pout if you barely said “hi” to a stranger on Facebook or hug a male friend on the street? Those days it may have felt annoying or suffocating, but now he doesn’t care whom you chat with or go to parties with. It must pinch a bit. I mean, how did all the concerns vanish into thin air? Perhaps they just shifted to another romantic interest. Think about it!
14. You catch his frequent lies
A little white lie here and there doesn’t hurt but you can tell your marriage is in trouble when your husband keeps you in the shadow of half-truths. A new woman in his life could be the reason for him to come up with such poorly fabricated cover stories about his whereabouts. Suspicions are bound to bubble up in anyone’s mind. You know him well, and unfortunately, you can tell when he’s lying.
15. Your intuition says that your husband is crushing over a certain woman
He might or might not be doing things that count as signs your husband has a crush on someone else, yet your gut keeps hinting at the worst possible scenario. You start feeling distant from him and your intuition tells you that he is falling out of love after the infidelity.
A lot of the above-mentioned signs can also emerge because people tend to change organically. Any sort of stress might also lead to such changes. So, Bonobology suggests you to listen to your gut feeling. But do not immediately jump to any conclusion if you see only a few of the signs your husband has a crush on another woman.
Related Reading: 20 Ways To Make Your Husband Fall In Love With You Again
What to do when your husband has a crush on another woman?
“Why does my husband want to be with another woman?” you wonder, as your husband checks out other women in front of you and shows almost every sign of infidelity mentioned above. Lamenting over your broken marriage is natural at the moment but you can mend the broken bridge between you and him. If you keep these doubts and fears to yourself, you risk opening the floodgates of resentment in your marriage. If you talk to your partner, it may seem like you’re hurling accusations at him. Then what are you supposed to do?
First and foremost, you need to be 100% sure that what you see as indications of him developing feelings for another woman is not a projection of your own insecurities and jealousy. He may have a perfectly reasonable explanation behind spending time with the same woman frequently – while you are sitting here, damaging your self-esteem by seeing signs of your husband’s emotional affair everywhere. So when your partner has a crush on another woman, here’s what you can do:
- Don’t confront him with your suspicions unless you have substantial evidence
- If you don’t have evidence, but your gut is telling you something is off, wait for a few days to track his changed behavior and then talk about this pattern with him openly
- Once you know for sure, make space for healthy conversation and communicate to him what you are feeling, directly and simply
- Desperate times call for desperate measures. If he refuses to admit his feelings, we wouldn’t blame you for looking into his call logs, bank statements, or social media accounts to gather some facts to fight his fiction
- You know you cannot force someone to love you back, right? So, try to understand (gently) why he has a crush on someone else
- See if it’s just a temporary lapse of judgment, a healthy and harmless distraction, or a more permanent mark on your relationship
- Ask him what he feels for her, and if he imagines a future with her in terms of romance or sexual intimacy or somewhere in between
- If you’re in an open relationship, then his crush on someone will bring forth a lot of conversations, but ideally, none of them should be about breaking your marriage apart. In this case, you wouldn’t have seen a lot of signs listed above either
- If you’re monogamous with each other and if his crush is just a harmless temporary phase, then you may be able to find a way to empathize with him, laugh about it, or even tease him about his feelings
- Crushes are normal, as long as they don’t destabilize what you both have. You can even discuss your own crushes with him
- If you both are monogamous and his crush has become an increasing distraction, ask him if he’s willing to let go of it and work on his primary relationship with you
- If his answer is no, and if your partner is losing interest in the relationship, you can either try to mend your bond through a lot of work and therapy, or you can let him go and start healing
- If yes, we suggest you to quit the blame game right away and quit dragging a third person into your equation. Make this relationship the center of your mutual attention
- Openly discuss the pitfalls (if any) that may have led him to like another woman to the point of near-infidelity
- Start dating each other again, spend quality time at home, sign up for couples activities, take a trip, get adventurous in the bedroom – whatever works to get you both closer, emotionally, mentally, physically
- Marriage counseling may work wonders in restoring love and trust between you and your husband. With Bonobology’s panel of licensed therapists, the right help is only a click away
- If your husband suddenly starts lacking his natural energy and enthusiasm for your relationship, he might have a newfound romantic interest
- His attachment to his phone and constant lies can give away a lot about his secret intentions
- If you notice that his behavior and body language changes around a particular woman, she might be the one in his head all day long
- His indifference toward any kind of emotional or physical intimacy is another indication of him growing a crush on someone else
- Remember that having a crush is completely natural as long as it doesn’t harm your relationship in any way
- Laughing with him about his crush in its initial stages is better than having to book therapy sessions over it after it turns into a full-blown case of cheating
Let’s face it, with the monotony brought to us by marriage, people change. Sometimes they fall out of love, or so they think, and often commit the blunder of adultery. Just remember, it’s not the end of the world that your husband has developed a crush on another woman. You can laugh, forgive, work, or heal your way through this.
This article has been updated in February 2023.
It’s natural for a married man to have a crush on another woman/man. What matters is how actively he wants to pursue that person, how honest he is with his spouse, and if he owns up to his feelings and actions.
For sure! Just because a man has a little crush doesn’t necessarily mean he would abandon his partner and the picture-perfect life they have built together. Crushes are fleeting, meant to come and go. Ideally, it shouldn’t affect the strong feelings a happily married man has in his heart for his spouse.