It’s important to remember that every relationship takes work, and no relationship is drama-free – life always steps in – but if you find that you come up against drama after drama, you’ll need to evaluate if this is truly the right relationship for you. Here are six ways to avoid dating dramas:
Don’t get into a relationship until you are truly ready to be in one. You don’t want to bring hurt, upset and emotional baggage from previous relationships into a new one as this will create unwanted drama.
You need to be healed, whole and ready to give someone your focus and love rather than searching for healing or for validation as a rebound.
Your new relationship can’t ‘fix’ you and you can’t expect that from them. They’re not your counsellor, although in time if it goes well, you should be able to confide in your partner.
You need to be able to ‘give’ in a relationship and not ‘take’ all the time. Bringing your previous dramas means taking from your partner more than normal. Relationships are a balance of giving and taking and this sets the balance off kilter, which won’t help you avoid dating dramas.
Spend time with God, let Him heal you and prepare you. Let your validation and identity be in Him without the need for a new relationship.
Only then are you truly ready to be in a relationship. You want to be happy with who you are in order to be the best version of yourself.
This means that past dramas, past flaws and past baggage won’t constantly creep into your new relationship. If you find that you have entered into a relationship too soon, then be prepared to stop and maybe start again at a later date.
Put simply – don’t consciously start arguments. Take a pause, evaluate and work out if something is necessary to sort out immediately and whether your tone of voice will edify the other person?
If you or the person you’re dating are consciously being difficult then it’s time to seriously think about whether you can continue if you’re not building each other up.
If you are with someone who is argumentative, work out if that is too much for you and try not to rise to it. Pause and take a step back, look at your life and if you need to change the way you react or if there’s underlying issues that need to be addressed.
Pray throughout the dating process, asking God to show you individually and together if the relationship is aligned with God’s will. Pray about how to proceed, pray through situations, pray whether the relationship is right.
Keeping God at the forefront alleviates a lot of unwanted drama, keeping the focus upwards to Him.
Putting the other first
You want to be able to give someone your full attention and focus when it’s needed. Drama can occur when people don’t feel listened to or valued.
Appreciation is a catalyst for ensuring a happy relationship. If you are constantly looking at your phone, sorting out work calls, checking social media, or checking the football scores, then this shows disrespect, disconnection and can cause arguments and hurt.
You may find that your date disconnects completely and doesn’t want to continue.
You also want to make sure that you’re putting the other first by thinking about their feelings – don’t ‘ghost’ them and disappear. If you truly believe that it is not working, then finish well and respectfully back out, don’t just disappear.
Some simple things can really help to keep dating respectful and enjoyable: make sure you reply to messages and calls, work the dates around both of you and not just one person doing the hard work.
Don’t only talk about yourself when on a date! You want to find out about the other person, keeping a healthy balance of listening and talking.
If you can’t make a meet up, don’t cancel at short notice or leave someone waiting for you.
On the flip side, try not to over-invest and scare someone off too early. Think about how they might be feeling, would they be overwhelmed?
Don’t give mixed signals and don’t leave people hanging on if you’re not interested. Be consistent with your replies and how you act.
Communicate what you are looking for in a partner and what you expect a relationship to look like, you can’t just assume. People have different ideas and unless you communicate it, you can’t expect that it will work the way you want it to.
Have healthy boundaries making sure that you communicate any issues with your dating partner rather than discussing the issues only with your friends and work colleagues instead.
You don’t want to over-analyse and then work yourself up, without even chatting the situation through with you’re the person you’re dating.
You also need to be able to talk through if it is not working, putting a stop to the connection in a respectful and honourable way.
Have a close group of supportive friends who you can (boundaries permitting) confide in to keep the perspective healthy. This can also remind you what healthy connections look like to keep you balanced and a reminder of whether how much drama is too much drama.
Overall, you need to be ready personally, prayerfully and thoughtfully to be in a relationship. The early days are both exciting but also can grate if the relationship is not right.
Seek God, seek His will and try to be honourable and Christ-like throughout. Thinking about how the other person might feel could help how you react or communicate in situations, but it has to be both ways.
A relationship needs to be equal and balanced, not one sided and undervalued in order to keep drama at bay.
What have you found helps you to avoid dating dramas?
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