This advice may seem counter-intuitive, especially coming from a coach. Am I not in the business of supporting people to identify and fulfil their dreams, to move determinedly towards their goals?
Yes, I am. But more importantly, I’m in the business of supporting people to accept and love who they are and where they are in life, so that they can step forwards with ease and from a place of peace.
‘But I’m tired of being single’, I hear you say. ‘I’m ready for love and I want 2022 to be the year in which I finally find a relationship.’
And I want the same for you too. But not any old love, not any old relationship that breaks after a while, not any old partner who loves you for a time and then leaves.
I want you to find a meaningful, long-lasting relationship with someone who makes your eyes shine. I want you to connect with someone who’s loyal and true, who values you and who’s willing to commit to you.
We can’t find that kind of relationship in a rush. We can’t find that kind of relationship from a place of panic and stress. When we hurry and grasp, we make choices that hurt ourselves and others.
So, what can we do at the start of 2022 to edge gently towards our dreams? These steps may help:
What do you mean sit still? It’s the new year, you say, time to make a plan, to get moving, to take action. But are you making the right plan, moving in the right direction, taking the right actions? Are you connected to your intuition and God’s will for your life? If not, it’s time to pause and reconnect.
Many of you will already have a stillness practice alongside prayer. If so, can you deepen that practice? Importantly, can you lengthen the time you spend listening to your truth and God’s voice, perhaps through meditation or journaling? And can you do this every day for at least ten minutes and longer if possible?
This is how you locate your compass, discover your road map and create a God-centred plan for your life.
Feel your feelings
Sitting still will help you to feel your feelings, provided you sit for long enough. It’s tempting to end our spiritual practice just before our true feelings surface. We don’t have time to feel. We don’t have time for tears. But the feelings are inside us and they’ll come out sideways – sabotaging our lives and relationships – if we don’t make space to process them. Remember, we feel in order to heal.
What feelings might arise? Grief, loss and sadness, perhaps. Maybe you didn’t expect to be single at this age and stage of your life. Maybe you’ve experienced heartache and disappointment. Maybe you feel hopeless. On the plus side, maybe you’re feeling enthusiastic and upbeat. Whatever the feelings, let them flow. Write them down. Share them with God, the sky, the grass, the sea or with a coach, counsellor or friend.
Build your foundations
Without a healthy relationship with ourselves, we’ll struggle to have a healthy relationship with another. You know this. So how is your connection to yourself? Are you loving and caring for yourself? How is your self-esteem? How is your self-awareness? Are you aware of your inner obstacles, your unhealthy patterns, the things that sabotage your love life? Take self-loving actions every day and deepen your self-awareness, through reading, sharing with others, talking to God and reaching out for professional support if required.
Create a vision
I’m not a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions as we often have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and beat ourselves up for ‘failing’ at the first hurdle. I am a fan, however, of broad-brush visions. You could create a vision of your future relationship, with a Pinterest board on your computer or with paper, pens, scissors and magazines on the floor.
What would you do with your partner? Where would you travel? Where might you live? And how would you like to feel when you’re with your partner? What words or pictures might represent those feelings? Give this exercise some time and space. Pray. Light a candle. Play music. Share it with a friend.
Take baby steps
We’re now ready to take actions, not panicked actions from a place of stress, but heart-centred, God-centred and grounded actions from a place of peace, connection and clarity. What one thing can you do in the coming months to expand your social circles? What activity would you like to explore? And what can you do to connect with more people online? Is it time to tweak your profile, update your photographs or send messages to a few potential dates each week?
As you take these actions, check in with yourself. Are you feeling anxious, desperate to meet someone before a certain date? Or are you feeling grounded, relaxed, accepting yet hopeful, open to any opportunity that might come along?
Every new year, we get to start afresh. We’re presented with a blank page. And we’re given a choice: we can hurriedly scribble something down or we can take time to create a masterpiece that’s unique to us and grounded in faith.
Which option will you choose?
Enjoyed reading ‘Ease your way towards your dreams in 2022’? Read more posts by Katherine Baldwin here.
If you’re interested in meeting single Christians, find out more about Christian Connection and how to join here.