Home » Should I Break Up With My Girlfriend? 12 Signs You Should

Should I Break Up With My Girlfriend? 12 Signs You Should

by Jessica

We don’t mean to play the devil’s advocate here, but if you’re wondering, “Should I break up with my girlfriend?”, deep down you probably already know the answer. You are only pondering this sixty-four-thousand-dollar question because the signs that we are going to talk about have probably crossed your mind already. 

So, together, we’ll dive deeper into those latent feelings that are perhaps niggling at your heart, telling you something’s not quite right with your relationship. Whether you’re asking, “What are the signs I should break up with my girlfriend?” or wrestling with the “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I feel bad” dilemma, we’re here to tell you that it’s all right to put yourself first.

A new love interest comes with a fog that renders us unable to look at the flaws in the relationship, especially during the honeymoon phase. It is only later that we begin to notice the cracks in the relationship widening. So instead of ignoring these signs and wallowing in denial, it’s time to face the fact head-on and take the necessary changes. 

12 Signs You Should Break Up With Your Girlfriend 

You might have loved her so much that you even adopted a dog with her. Or perhaps you two know each other’s shopping habits so well, you are great at buying things for each other. Despite all these perfect little things on the surface, the feelings of, “Should I end things with my girlfriend?” might still creep in.

But now that doubts about the future of your apparently healthy relationship have popped up in your mind more than once, it’s imperative that you take note of and get to the root of the underlying reasons that are making you re-evaluate the entire relationship.

For that, you are at the right place because today we’ll list the different possibilities that may have triggered the breakup thoughts in your mind. If you’re constantly grappling with the question, “When should I break up with my girlfriend?”, these scenarios might offer you some clarity:  

Related Reading: 21 Dos And Don’ts Of Breaking Up With Your Girlfriend

1. You just can’t accept her past?

Maybe you disagreed with who she was in the past or can’t come around to the fact that she still hangs out with her exes. If it’s bothering you that much, it’s probably something you can’t repair and that’s our number one concern. Don’t beat yourself up though. You are not the first person on earth to be bothered by their partner’s past relationships and experiences.

Research shows previous cohabitating relationships often cast a negative impact on present married or cohabitating relationships. Say, it’s been over a year and you still struggle to make peace with her high-school drug addiction phase. Then break her the bad news before it’s too late. This way at least you don’t have to pretend every day that all is well while still agonizing over thoughts like “She is stuck in the past and I can’t deal with it. Are these signs I should break up with my girlfriend?”

should I break up with my girlfriend because of her past
If her past is always weighing on your mind, it might be time to break up with her

2. Should I part ways with my girlfriend because of her family?

When venturing into the deeper trenches of a serious relationship, you might be able to put up with all your girlfriend’s annoying habits, but getting along with her family is another ballpark. If you think you two will eventually live together and get married, considering her family dynamics is just as important as knowing her political inclinations.

Let us paint a few scenarios that might adversely impact your relationship in the long run making you question yourself, “Should I end things with my girlfriend even though I love her?”

  • Growing up in an apathetic environment, she may have difficulty communicating her thoughts and expectations which in turn may brew up some complications in your relationship
  • The enormous emotional baggage and trauma she carries on account of being raised in a toxic, abusive, or emotionally distant household can be overwhelming for you
  • It’s not always serious issues like toxicity or dysfunctional family dynamics. Maybe her father disrespects you at all family events or perhaps you and her sister just never get along

You may not have the emotional bandwidth to deal with something so all-consuming, and that’s okay. Just remember at this point that being honest is what’s more important even if that leads you to break up with someone.

Related Reading: Talking To Your Partner About Your Dysfunctional Family – The Right Way, And Should You?

3. Break up with her if she has twisted intentions

“How to know when should I break up with my girlfriend?” you ask. If she’s happier to see your credit card than your smile, it’s a glaring sign you should have ended it long ago. Or if she zips up and walks out the moment you two are done doing the deed, are you sure she is as emotionally invested in you as you think?

As your very own relationship expert, Bonobolgy suggests before you get too cozy in love with a romantic partner, you try to understand what they are really in for and whether you both are on the same page. If she just wants your money or only treats you like a rebound relationship, then we don’t care how pretty or smart she is. It’s time to sever ties with her and you know that’s the best thing for your emotional and mental health.

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4. Should I break up even though I love her but my friends don’t like her?

Not all the relationship advice from your family and friends have to be treated like the Oracle when there are many many signs you should not break up. But sometimes love blinds you and makes you unable to see the things that a third person with relevant experience can point out instantly.

If you end up with the wrong girl and your friends tell you so over and over again, perhaps that’s your first clue to ‘when to break up with someone’. Here’s what you do in a similar situation:

  • Don’t ignore that friend’s advice who has always been looking out for you and who you really trust
  • Since Adam, it’s just basic human nature to do exactly what they are told not to do. So, try to keep an open mind this time
  • Don’t take a side based on an impulse without reflecting on every important aspect of the situation
  • Make sure your partner and friends are not disrespectful to each other

5. Should I leave the relationship because there is no more intimacy?

You don’t have to be a sex-craving maniac to make a relationship work, but neither can you be a sex-starved celibate, because that sure is to make your connection go downhill. If you used to have mind-blowing sex before and now, the sexless relationship you find yourself in is only a recent development, think long and hard because there could be other, bigger issues at play here.

For instance, perhaps, you suspect her of cheating, there is insecurity in the relationship or you struggle to trust each other. Or, it highly bothers you how she uses sex as a tool for emotional manipulation in order to get her way. When a relationship is riddled with such chronic issues, intimacy is often the first thing to go out the window.  And, it’s alright if you don’t want to sign up for a lifetime of average sex and dissatisfaction.

Related Reading: 9 Reasons Your Girlfriend Is Mean To You And 5 Things You Can Do

6. Should I break up with my girlfriend for another girl?

Yes. You can think, “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I feel bad” all you want but the fact that you have feelings for someone else or you find another person attractive (irrespective of whether you’ve acted on those feelings or not) means that you’re going to cause her hurt no matter how much you detest the idea. It’s best to rip off the band-aid sooner rather than later. If the question “Should I break up with my girlfriend for another girl?” is already raised, here’s your next order of business:

  • You should open up to her in the first place about what’s really happening in your heart
  • If you are still in two minds about the new girl and your relationship with your girlfriend is one of a kind, you may want to reconsider the whole breaking up thing
  • If you are already suffering pangs of cheating guilt, you should rather be honest with her and leave with dignity in case you aren’t interested in mending this relationship

7. Our future goals do not align – leave or not to leave?

Like we said earlier, the complicated past of your girlfriend may or may not offer your relationship an expiration date. But when it’s a question of different visions for your future, it should definitely end. If she wants to move to Italy to get another degree and your job will hold you back in the country for the next three years, that recipe is just not going to work well for any romantic relationship.

  • In case, this is a casual relationship that is only meant to last as long as the thrill of most short-lived romances does, then, by all means, have the time of your life
  • But if you’re looking for a longer commitment or a wife or even the mother of your children, then it’s time to think this through
  • Whatever the variables may be, everything should be laid on the table for both partners to discuss and agree on
should I break up with my girlfriend even though I love her
Should I break things off even if I love her? Yes, you should if you do not see a future with her

8. What if she is an abuser?

“Should I call it quits with my girlfriend because she abuses me?” – all the answers to this question point at one thing – a huge red flag! There’s enough data on the web about toxic relationships that will tell you to answer yourself a big, fat “yes!” when you ask this burning question. Physical abuse is awful, no second thoughts about it. But not all abusive relationships result in scarred faces and a black eye.

Sometimes, abuse in a relationship can be more of a subtle undercurrent of emotional abuse that manifests in the form of manipulation, blackmailing, gaslighting, stonewalling, or verbal abuse. If your girlfriend is showing clear signs of being a toxic and abusive partner, consider this article your sign from the universe and run from this sordid excuse of a relationship. 

Related Reading: 21 Toxic Girlfriend Signs Not Easy To Spot – It’s Her, Not You

9. Her mental health issues are invading your personal life 

This may seem like a cruel reason at first glance, but we have a point, so continue reading. If someone has debilitating mental health issues, the last thing they want to feel is that someone is in a relationship with them out of pity. So, you need to assess whether the depth of your relationship and feelings warrant you putting yourself through that for the sake of being with this person, and not because you are caught in the “I want to break up with my girlfriend but I feel bad” limbo.

We won’t blame you if you feel like you can’t carry on with it anymore under the following circumstances. After all, it’s a good thing when we put our own lives and well-being on top of everything instead of leading a double life in a dead-end relationship.

  • As much as you try to push her to go to therapy and get better, you cannot seem to hold her hand through it 
  • Dealing with a partner who has mental health issues is taking a toll on your own mental health
  • Her breakdowns and issues seem to be putting a pin in your own plans and goals for happiness
  • Some of her symptoms are affecting your day to day life such as midnight anxiety attacks, hot and cold behavior, or even physical violence
More on dysfunctional relationships

10. Should I break up because my girlfriend smokes?

This is not a question that we can answer for you. Neither can we label it as one of the signs you should not break up. It is something you need to think more deeply about on your own. How much does it matter to you that she can inhale a pack a day? Does it bother you often or will you be able to get used to it in the long run? 

If you are living together and you are coughing constantly from the smoke all around the house, we can’t call it a healthy cohabitation. And it’s absolutely justifiable if you choose to walk out. A lot of men who are anti-smoking consider this a relationship deal-breaker. So, we leave it up to you to decide whether you share that sentiment or not.

11. Should I walk out of a relationship because she does not value my opinions? 

If she makes you order Chinese food every weekend for dinner despite knowing that you hate wontons, then you are not totally out of the line to get frustrated at some point and call it quits. It might seem like a frivolous reason on the surface, but dig deeper and you’ll find you are living with an ignorant and self-absorbed girlfriend. 

  • If every little decision in your life, from the color of your living room drapes to how many kids you will have, is solely governed by her, you could first let her know about how it makes you feel
  • Not a shout-show, just two adults calmly discussing a relationship issue where you become more vocal about your likes, dislikes, and opinion
  • You can opt for some couple activities to perform a task together paying due importance to each other’s ideas
  • If she repeatedly walks all over you and makes all the decisions for you, it’s time you stand up for yourself and cut your losses because this is one of the relationship red flags that just cannot be condoned

12. She had a fling. Should I leave my girlfriend?

“Should I end things with my girlfriend if she cheated on me?” Well, infidelity can be a huge deal breaker for many of us. Perhaps the best reason to leave any relationship is if they cheated on you. If putting up with being disrespected like that is something you can’t do, then it’s really not worth dragging the relationship along only to lose your self-esteem in the process.

Some overcome the trauma and some people think of it as the irrevocable finishing line for that relationship. If nightmares like “Would she break up with me for that other man?” is hammering in your head every night, chances are, you will never be able to restore faith in one another without the intervention of a licensed therapist. So, why put yourself through this hell of a painful experience for one person when you can actually move forward to a more fulfilling relationship?

Counseling on Breakup on bonobology.com

Take this ‘Should I break up with my girlfriend’ quiz

Are you muddled with such worries as “My girlfriend lied to me. Should I break up with her?” or “My current relationship feels like a trap. How to end this relationship?” Sometimes we sense there’s something wrong between us and our partners for a long time. And yet we can’t seem to act on our apprehension because a lot of other factors often cloud our judgment.

For instance – the fear of not making the right decision, of being a heartbreaker, criticism from friends and family, and so on. Most people turn a blind eye to the obvious signs that they should split up with their partner and learn to live with an unhappy relationship. We are here to put an end to your dubiety and taking this ‘should I break up with my girlfriend’ quiz might shed some clarity on your situation:

  • Does your girlfriend support your journey toward quitting your job and opening your own restaurant? Yes/No
  • Does she take initiative in planning date nights or spending quality time together? Yes/No
  • Do you feel your major values and morals in life are aligned with that of your girlfriend? Yes/No
  • Does she appreciate all the effort you put into making this relationship work? Yes/No
  • Does she accuse you of flirting with almost every other girl you talk to – from colleagues to school friends? Yes/No
  • Do you think she keeps you in the loop about her plans and whereabouts and always tells the truth? Yes/No
  • Is your relationship free from all kinds of verbal and physical abuse? Is it a healthy one? Yes/No
  • Do you find yourself growing anxious around her? Are you walking on eggshells? Yes/No
  • Does the physical intimacy between you and your girlfriend happen to be fulfilling? Yes/No
  • Do you honestly see a future with her? Is she the one? Yes/No

These are important questions in terms of understanding your dynamic with your girl whether it’s a one-sided relationship or not, whether there is honesty and appreciation, and whether you are living with a toxic, abusive partner. Now, if you have answered ‘yes’ to at least five or more of these, we see trouble in your paradise. You should probably break it off before the relationship sucks the life out of you.

Related Reading: 8 Ways You Can Help Your Partner Get Over Drug Addiction

How should i break up with my girlfriend?

Still reading? I guess, we have both tried our bit in minimizing your issues with your girlfriend. Now that you have a firm answer to ‘when to break up with someone’, it’s time to put the final nail in the coffin. “How should I break up with my girlfriend?” you ask. Well, unless the situation has deteriorated to the point of name-calling, blackmailing, or character-assassinating each other, you can give a healthy spin to a breakup as well!

Here’s how you should pull off the breakup so you both can walk out your respective ways like two mature adults who happened to be incompatible with each other:

  • The first step toward a clean break is always picking the right spot and time wisely
  • Do it in person only if you are on good talking terms with each other
  • Why choose a crowded place or a fancy cafe if you are expecting some meltdown that will only draw public attention?
  • On the contrary, for a live-in couple, having this conversation outside would be more convenient so you can leave right after
  • In that case, you should have a ‘moving out’ plan handy
  • Everybody deserves closure. So, the most gentlemanly way to split up with a romantic partner is to offer them one
  • Skip the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ monologue and be upfront about your true feelings
  • Although you may want to avoid being too harsh on them. Breakups are heart-rending as it is
  • Set some ground rules about your post-breakup association. Are you leaving things on friendly terms? Or this is for sure the last time you are seeing each other’s faces? Clear that up to avoid any on-again, off-again dilemma in future
  • Lastly, let this decision sink in your mind for some time prior the D-day, just so you can stand by your resolution and don’t get swayed by her sad eyes at the last minute

Key Pointers

  • If you can’t accept her story that makes her the person she is today or her family dynamics seem to bother you a lot, ending things won’t be so terrible
  • In case, the girl is using you for money or sex, with no emotional connection whatsoever, don’t think twice before walking out of that relationship
  • If her self-absorbed nature borders on narcissism so much so that she always neglects your opinion, constantly criticizes you, or becomes the reason for your mental breakdowns in some other ways, break it off
  • When your girlfriend’s chronic unhealthy habits like smoking affect your well-being on a regular basis, you should rethink the whole situation
  • Infidelity is often a deal breaker for many. You have to decide whether you want to start afresh even after she brought a third person into your equation

This long list might have had some reality checks served alongside hard truths, but this is what you needed to read ever since you started asking yourself more and more, “My girlfriend lied to me. Should I break up with her?” We do want to cheer on a good relationship. But our lives are too short to put ourselves through one that is not meant for us. 

Don’t be disheartened. The right woman is just around the corner. Until then, do right by your girlfriend and yourself even if that means going no-contact with her. In the long run, you will see that you have been on the healthy way because you have prioritized yourself over everything and everyone else.

This article has been updated in Feb, 2023.

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