Why do men look at other women even though they are already in a loving relationship? This is a question women have asked for ages. Your man might be head over heels in love with you and yet you will occasionally catch him staring at a woman who looks like she has walked right off the set of a fashion show.
So more often than not, it leaves us wondering what is going on in that man’s psyche. We are far too progressive to write it off as their basic nature. However, we understand that it can be annoying when your man has a wandering eye and make you wonder what’s going on in his mind. In this article, we present 23 real and honest reasons men check out other women, even though they are already in a relationship. And trust us when we tell you that it has nothing to do with you!
Do All Men Look At Other Women?
Oh yes, they do. But it does not necessarily point to anything concrete. It does not stem from dissatisfaction in his primarily relationship or because of sexual interest in other attractive women. Married men too, have a tendency of looking at other women when they go out. So do not be surprised, when you catch them eyeing someone else.
There can be all kinds of reasons for it. It could be admiration or something else, and it should be allowed. It does not necessarily mean that he is going to cheat on you. Men looking at other women is a common thing and does not always raise alarms.
Is It Normal For A Man To Look At Other Women When In A Relationship?
It basically depends on how often your man indulges in this kind of thing. Is he always flirting with his eyes when he goes out and sees women? Does he stare at women to the point where they leave or feel uncomfortable? Or does he give them some sort of an inviting look, showing them that he is available?
For men to notice other women is one thing. But if men stare at other women, that is a different ballpark and probably not okay. Men need to be respectful and not ogle at the women they see around themselves. If he wants to notice attractive women, he can do it subtly and it can be considered acceptable. However, if he decides to completely knock himself out and looks at another woman to the point that she feels uncomfortable, that might be a big problem.
If he glances around, smiles a bit and looks at attractive women sometimes, it can be considered okay. But if his behavior is borderline predatory, then as a partner, you are allowed to be upset. A man’s intention makes all the difference, and this can be observed in the way men stare at other women.
Why Do Men Look At Other Women? 23 Real Reasons
Now, let’s decode what drives them to this business. Why do men look at other women? While there is sufficient research to support that not just men, but also women check other people out even when they are already in a relationship — there is a wider belief that men do it all the more. In fact, men of any age, particularly find women in their early 20s very attractive, studies suggest. But it is not always because he is a serial cheater or does not respect you.
Let’s admit it. Despite the constant villainization, men are actually not testosterone-driven beings with a stone for a heart. They are human beings with human needs. Hence, when an attractive person walks by, they will most likely give them a quick glance. There is no compulsion or law which forbids you from looking at other people when you are in a relationship. And even if your husband looks at other females online, does it always mean that he is interested in them?
It is normal for men to notice other women. However, it is also normal to not be happy when you see your man eyeing or looking at younger women. So let’s put millions of women out of their misery by finally revealing the real reasons men look at other women, and you’ll realize that you don’t always have to worry too much. Here are 23 reasons the world is full of men who look at other women:
1. Attractive women in Red catch their eyes
Research suggests that men are drawn to women (like bees to honey) who wear the stunning color, red. The color serves as an aphrodisiac in color psychology and is rooted in the biological needs of men. Since it is primarily known as the color of attraction, a woman walking by in a hot red dress will definitely become the subject of a man’s attention, even when he is with his partner. Even good men can’t exactly resist this one. But it does not point to a tendency for infidelity.
2. The woman is extremely attractive
It is easy to complain that “my boyfriend looks at other girls in front of me”, but can you honestly deny looking at an extremely handsome man when you went to the mall with your beloved partner? While smarter men will be discreet about it, some men linger their eyes a bit longer. And just like women, these guys too indulge in their eye candy.
Imagine if Chris Evans happened to run into you while you cross the street (okay, we are getting off-topic here). But even if not a Hollywood actor, if a young hot thing walked by you and your girls in a restaurant, don’t deny that you all would not even discuss it. And that doesn’t mean you would act on it and hit on the guy? It’s similar for your man. So why do men look at other women? Because she is attractive. Simple.
Relatable Reading: 17 Signs There Is Someone Else In Your Partner’s Life
3. He is curious about her
When he looks at another girl what is he thinking? Well, for all you know — he is probably wondering where she is from because of her outfit! Here are some reasons he could be staring at her, which might be completely harmless:
- He is simply wondering: Humans are curious creatures. We frequently imagine hypothetical situations and speculate on how our lives may be lived in an alternative existence. It doesn’t necessarily imply that he yearns for this woman
- He is drifting off for no good reason: He might simply be fulfilling the curiosity in his mind. Or he’s just curious to understanding what he’s like. Let him drift off a bit and do not take it too seriously
- There is a question on his mind: Maybe the way she is dressed, the things she is saying or if he is wondering that he perhaps knows her from somewhere. These may be some questions on his mind which could be causing him to look at this woman
4. The other woman is causing a scene
Sometimes, when you think that your boyfriend is making eye contact with another woman, it does not guarantee that he is flirting with the woman or checking her out. Maybe he is just looking at the ruckus she is causing in the middle of a restaurant! Maybe she’s loud or said something rude to the waiter earlier. At this point you’ll notice, that not just your guy, but even other people are probably looking at this other girl.
Anybody making a scene will draw a guy’s attention, especially a lady. Naturally, he will look if there is a fight going on or if she is being loud and everyone is looking at her.
5. She stands out from the crowd
And it is not necessarily true that she is better than you. She is just different.
Don’t we all stop and stare at someone else who looks different from the herd of people around us? So do men, so why do bash them for it? It doesn’t always mean that the other woman is super attractive. Maybe your man’s wandering eye has landed on a woman who seems to stand out from the crowd which could be for many reasons. It could simply be an absurd haircut or a giant tattoo.
6. He is lost in his own world
The reason for men to look at other women is not always complicated rocket science or a big discussion. For all you know, you just have a daydreamer on your hands.
- It was a harmless glance: It’s possible that he did give a beautiful woman a quick glance but did not actually mean to linger on it. It’s possible that he just zoned out after that, which makes it seem like he is fixating on her
- He is thinking about something else entirely: His eyes are still on her, but his mind is elsewhere. Before you write it off as a red flag in a relationship, snap him back to attention. He’s still your guy, albeit a little lost. It’s annoying, but they do that sometimes and it is best if you do not ruminate over it too much
7. He is looking elsewhere
As mentioned in the previous point, sometimes a wandering eye is less about the eye and its gaze, and more about the mind. Don’t jump to the conclusion that your man is staring at an unfamiliar woman in a lewd manner. He might simply be focusing on the same area as the woman. He could be looking at something else entirely. Be sure of where his eyes are before you get upset.
8. Something is wrong in your relationship
Men looking at other women can be harmless, but it can also point to greater trouble in a relationship. So when you catch it happening, evaluate the situation and the reasons behind it. If possible, bring it up with him and see his reaction and reasoning. Because all fun and jokes apart, catching your man looking at other women all the time can truly be a matter of concern.
- He is unhappy in your relationship: While some men can’t stop it because of how they are or because they just zone out, others purposefully check out women when their relationship is precariously close to ending, and this is their way of bringing your attention to it. So if you constantly find yourself telling people that “my boyfriend looks at other women in front of me”, you need to address the problems in your relationship. There’s something going on and this is a sign for you to fix it
- He is checking out other options: Because he is unhappy, he is no more present with you in the moment. Which is why, he tends to drift off and look at other women. He is glancing around, searching for what else he can have
9. Maybe he is unhappy with you
When he looks at another woman what is he thinking? Well, as much as you do not want to hear it, it is possible that he is thinking about being with her. A fleeting dream perhaps, or a taste of what could be. Have things been sour in your relationship lately? Because if that’s true, his checking out attractive people may not mean nothing.
Why do men browse the websites/pages of other women? He might, after all, be unhappy with you. His actions, such as watching videos or browsing online for photographs of women, are a sign that he is unhappy in the relationship. Is it true that husband looks at other females online? In such a scenario, have an honest conversation with your partner, find out what needs of his are unmet, and see if you can fullfill them.
10. You are looking at the other woman
This one is going to bring you great relief and put your worries aside. Why do men look at other women? One of the reason men do that is because you are looking at her! It’s not that you are not allowed to admire other women just because you’re straight. Maybe you’re just looking at her shoes and wondering where she got that fantastic pair. There could be many reasons, but clearly, your partner is just following what you are doing.
Related Reading: 10 Thoughts In A Woman’s Mind When Her Man Is Checking Out A Girl
11. He has nothing else to do
Yes, it sounds problematic. Yes, it reiterates the male gaze and how they notice attractive women. But sometimes, that’s just it. He is bored. Staring at other people could be a way for a man to have fun while out by himself and relaxing at a bar or club. There is nothing else for him to do at that moment, so your man is just staring away.
Once, I went for a casual dinner with an old friend. While returning from the bathroom, I realized he was staring at a woman who had just entered the restaurant. I teased him about it and he shrugged his shoulders and said, “What, you were in the loo, what was I supposed to do?” And true to his words, he didn’t glance in her direction again once we went back to chatting. For men to look at other women sometimes is just plain boring.
12. He wants to get your attention
What draws guys to other women? This will sound childish but some men will direct your attention to them by looking at other ladies.
- He wants your attention: Your partner might decide to turn his attention to the women nearby if you appear disengaged during a chat. He will ignore you for someone else just to catch your attention
- He is trying to ruffle your feathers: He is doing this to upset you, so that you can change your behavior and give him all your attention. It’s a weird tactic that men sometimes indulge in. He thinks that if he acts distracted, it will make you focus on him because no woman enjoys being ignored.
Well if he does this no matter how weird, at least you know its because he wants you and not because he’s pining for other attractive women. So consider it a win! And definitely, put your phone down and give him the attention that he wants from you.
13. He is admiring something else
Your man may be admiring something else about the woman, and no it is not necessarily true that he is looking at her body and fantasizing about it. It could be very innocent actually. For instance, if your boyfriend sees a superstar online, he might comment that he would like to see that celebrity’s hairdo on you.
He might even decide to purchase a dress for you after expressing admiration for the way a different woman wore it. Before you think you need to find a way to handle your man looking at other women, make sure that he was not admiring a piece of jewelry or a bag that he thinks you would like. Because if he’s smitten, that’s probably the main reason why he is looking at her. Good men are like that!
14. He needs stimulation
Sometimes, the honest answer to ‘why do men look at other women’ is that they are in a situation that is not emotionally, romantically, or intellectually stimulating. Or to put it simply, they are plain bored. Do all men check out women? They can, when they have nothing else to do and just need something to focus their attention on.
For instance, you might find the man you are meeting for a first date eyeing the waitress because he is not interested in what you are saying or he is simply bored of the topic. As rude as that is which is a separate topic on its own, it could be one of the silly reasons men do something like this.
15. You are indulging his behavior
If you frequently find that your boyfriend is checking out a girl and say nothing to him about it, he is going to assume you are okay with it. So he continues in his acts where he looks at another person, because he feels that it is absolutely alright to do so. If you do not make him aware of your displeasure and just laugh or shrug it off, he will assume that this is acceptable behavior in a relationship.
Jenna, 32, recently got out of a relationship of 5 years. She said “I used to feel like a cool girlfriend when I let him look at other women. In fact, I would just let it go when he asked me if I was uncomfortable. I wasn’t comfortable and I never communicated that to him. It became frustrating for me and by then, it was too late to say anything. It just became a habit for him.”
16. She is a younger woman
According to a study, men are inclined toward women who appear younger. So if your 50-year-old husband is staring at the young waitress, that’s probably why. A lot of men like looking at younger women because they are more energetic and fun. And this is going to make you ask, ‘do guys only go for looks?’
Well, looks form a major part of attraction in the human species. So his attraction can be natural. But no, looks are not everything. Even if you see him eyeing an attractive woman who is younger than you, most of the time, it means nothing more than staring. But if your husband is insisting on going back to the same restaurant, you need to raise more than an eyebrow and ask him what is really going on.
17. The woman resembles someone
The world is full of doppelgangers and maybe the woman who just walked into the grocery store resembles a childhood friend or a celebrity that your man has a crush on. Men tend to fixate on people who remind them of someone else and it does not mean that he is gearing up to go ask her out for a drink.
When we come across someone who bears an uncanny resemblance to another person in our life, we all tend to stare a little bit, don’t we? So cut him some slack. If it is too much staring, then ask him to stop and he will understand.
Related Reading: 21 Signs Of Lack Of Respect In A Relationship
18. Why do men look at other women? They do not respect you
In some cases, the real reason for men to look at other women, especially in front of their spouse or partner, is that they have no respect for the person they’re with, and don’t care about the impact of their actions.
- He does not understand respect: They’re callous and do not know how to be in a relationship. Yes, sometimes it can be as brutal as that. Perhaps, he has not been in a healthy relationship before and simply is not aware that his behaviour can be unnerving for his partner
- You are dating somebody immature: Some men feel it is alright to stare at all the other women around them who they find even remotely attractive. Clearly, this man has not been in a lot of healthy relationships or is utterly immature. Why is why, he has never learnt the meaning of respect in a relationship.
19. He wants to make you jealous
A man can purposefully stare at another girl and let you know he is doing it just to make you jealous, and that takes us back to his own insecurities. Maybe things have been rocky in your relationship or maybe he caught you staring at another guy and is simply doing it to let you know how it feels.
This sort of jealousy in a relationship can be resolved by communicating with your partner. He’s clearly only doing it because he feels unloved or uncared for by you. So he is acting out by trying to make you uncomfortable. In that case, take our advice and do not give in. Identify some other signs that point to him being weird because of his own insecurities, and have a healthy discussion with him about it.
20. He is sexist and often objectifies women
Him staring at other attractive people might be because he is plainly a man who objectifies other women. The male gaze has been a source of discomfort for women all over the globe. If your man is ogling another woman, he could be objectifying her. It is sexist behavior that should not be encouraged, especially if you catch him doing it. Let him know that it is wrong and makes you uncomfortable.
21. The woman is seducing your man
There’s no need to blame it on him as it is possible that the opposite sex is at fault here. The other lady might have made it her goal to seduce your man, even if he is going about his business and trying not to care about her. Men looking at other women might just be because she is trying to look at him, and possibly hit on him.
She might pass your man a message or wink at him, for example to grab his eyeballs. Any man will turn to gaze at such actions. His wandering eye will not be able to resist such actions from the other woman and he will end up looking back at her. Either he does it out of sheer confusion, or he likes the attention.
22. He likes the woman he is staring at
This is going to be a rough one to read so brace yourself. When a wife says that “I get jealous when my man looks at other women”, she probably has a good reason to be feeling that way, and it is not something that is just in her head. There is a high chance that the real reason he’s looking at someone else is that he likes her romantically/intellectually/sexually. Whether he acts on these feelings or not is secondary.
23. Why do men look at other women? It is his nature
I wanted to save this for the last because this while being true, can be a subjective matter. Biologically, however, a portion of a man’s brain responds when they notice attractive women. As per a study, men are far more prone to succumbing to their sexual desires than women are. They don’t have as much resistance, hence, when an attractive or physically appealing woman comes across a man, he tends to stare at her.
5 Tips To Get Him To Stop Looking At Other Women
Most women find themselves complaining that “I get jealous when my husband looks at another girl” but have no idea what to do about it. They notice how the love of their life looks at beautiful women around them and choose to simply live in that discomfort or confusion. Now that you know the real reasons men check out other women, let’s talk about dealing with a man’s wandering eye when the occasional staring starts developing into a habit.
While it is natural to look at other human beings, it is also normal for you to be uncomfortable with this. Here are 5 tips to make him stop looking at other women:
1. Voice your concern
How can you make him stop looking at other women when he is not even aware that you don’t appreciate this behavior? If you ignore it, he will assume that you don’t care and he can continue.
Instead, effectively communicate it with him and find out why he keeps looking at other women. He may use phrases like “Oh! That dress is gorgeous!” as an excuse. Knowing you want to understand will compel him to eventually tell you his reasons and also be aware of your discomfort.
2. Let him know that he can control it
Here’s how to handle your man looking at another woman when you two are in a committed relationship. By helping him out! Make him realize that he has a habit of staring at other women and give him the confidence to control it by being supportive of him. Show him that you trust him and that you are ready to help him, as long as his intentions are in the right place. He may not be aware of his problematic gaze, and a little guidance could be just what he needs to cut this habit out.
Related Reading: 9 Signs Of Low Self-Esteem In A Woman You Are Dating
3. Don’t make a massive deal
Men tend to be this way sometimes. So if you see that your boyfriend is checking out the opposite sex or that your husband is looking at a younger woman, do not make a scene about it. Yes, it annoys you when your partner blatantly turns to look at another lady while you’re around. But it’s best to exercise self-control, and try to contain the situation using a different approach rather than anger.
Try being playful about it instead. Say, “caught you!” to gently draw his attention to it. You might also suggest to him that you can call her on his behalf. And you’ll both probably chuckle about it. He might just stop doing this eventually if you don’t make a big deal out of it.
4. Point out an attractive woman to your partner
I know it seems like the opposite of what you want, but when you point out an attractive woman to your partner, it shows that you are not an insecure woman and aren’t bothered by some meaningless staring. This will make your partner see you as the confident woman that you are, which will automatically increase your appeal, taking away his attention from the other woman. So give this a shot!
5. Work on improving your own self-esteem
Self-esteem is the belief in one’s value. If your man’s glances at other women have a big impact on you, you should introspect on your own worth instead. It is possible that you have been overthinking the way he looks at other women.
Think about how special and deserving you are. You know that there will always be more attractive women than you. Accept that, so his wandering eyes don’t bother you.
Sarah, 27, shares her personal experience. She says, “I get jealous when my husband looks at another girl. I once told him this. To my surprise, he sat me down and told me how wonderful and beautiful I am to him and that looking at other women means nothing to him. That’s when I realized it was a ‘me’ problem. I’m working on being more confident about myself.”
Key Pointers
- It is possible that your guy is staring hard at another girl in a coffee shop because he is bored, has a tendency to daydream or zones out often
- He could be staring at a woman because she is trying to seduce him with her eyes and expressions
- Men looking at other women is common and they often do it because they are admiring something about them, and it does not have to be sexual or romantic
- One reason he could be checking someone else out is because your relationship is on the rocks
This brings us to the end of the ‘why do men look at other women’ question, and how to handle your man looking at them. Honest and open communication can better any relationship. Hence, if you are bothered by it, let him know. Or have fun, and don’t read too much into it.
This article was updated in March 2023.
FAQs
Bring it up with him. Don’t sweep the issue under the carpet. Instead, address it the best way you can. Try to be calm, have a rational approach. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable.
If you are bothered by it, be honest. Sometimes, it is best to ignore it because it does not mean anything. But if it is impacting you, talk to your partner calmly and let them know how you feel.
It depends on the reason why he does it. If he is doing it aimlessly without actually any focus, it does not have to be disrespectful to you. Even if he admiring her outfit or her shoes does not mean that he is violating you. Although, if he stares at her because he is fantasizing about her or checking her out, then that is a disrespectful thing to do in a committed relationship.
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